A PRETENTIOUS THIRD-PERSON BLURB

   Dwelling in the green and rainy wilds of rural Northern Ireland, Aaron Dembski-Bowden is a New York Times-bestselling novelist hiding out from civilisation. 

   Born in 1980, into a particularly grey patch of London, Aaron spent his childhood as part of a tediously happy family, including several years spent in Bangladesh.

   He wanted to be a novelist for most of his life, after previously-dreamt careers as an astronaut (too stupid), an NBA point guard (too English), and a paramedic (too lazy) didn't pan out.

   He resides in County Tyrone, one of the wettest parts of the British Isles, where he lives with his wife Catherine (who he met in World of WarCraft -- no, really); his son Alexander (Shakes); and his daughter Annah (Scout).

   The office in which he works is regrettably called The Aaronorium, which started as a joke and unfortunately ended up sticking.

   In addition to several Phoenix Suns banners and about a million books, the Aaronorium also houses Aaron's sweet hat collection.

   As you can see, he's one of those people plainly unable to take a decent photo, and often unintentionally comes across as smug or angry in pictures.

   His hobbies include reading everything within reach and telling himself that the mess he makes in the kitchen is a bold new vision of cooking. He's also part of a hobby blog, Tales from the Aaronorium, which you can find here.

   73% of his time on this beautiful planet has been spent helping people spell his surname.

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